10-23-06

Dear Team Awkward,

My girlfriend and I have a great sex life, but every now and again she has really bad B.O. She's a vegan and hates puting anything with chemicals on her body, and therefore doesn't use deodorant. I feel guilty because I should love her "pheromones" as much as I do the rest of her, right?. Does this mean we're maybe mismatched? Can I tell her about her B.O., or will she will be offended and forever self-conscious?

- Out of Breath

Dear Out of Breath,

B.O. can be bad news when it comes to gettin’ down and dirty. The best way to deal with this, and to avoid hurting your girlfriend’s feelings, is to put the blame on yourself and then hope she will follow your lead. Smell your own pits and say, “I stink, you must think I’m nasty, let me go put on some deodorant.” Act super concerned about your own body odor and she’ll probably start to feel insecure about hers. As far as her being a vegan – that’s no excuse. There are many wonderful vegan friendly products on the market right now. Next time you and your honey go shopping pick up some organic deodorants and soaps! If you still think she stinks after all of this, then yeah, you’re probably right – you’re not a match. Kick her tofu-loving-stank-ass to the curb!

- Team Awkward